We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
