So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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