yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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