Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
