Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
