Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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