Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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