so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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