i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
