It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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