I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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