What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
