all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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