Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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