the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
