I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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