My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
