there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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