I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
