Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
