mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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