Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Don't tell me you're on acid again
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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