She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
