Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
