I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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