She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
