when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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