we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
