He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
