it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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