omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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