he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize