My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
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