I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
