Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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