my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
