This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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