I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
