bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
