1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
