so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
