She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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