so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
