Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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