I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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