Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
