forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
