Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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