So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
do herpes really smell.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Text me some of your sweat
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
