well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
