I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
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