So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
PANTIES FOUND
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