whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
