she smelled like a LAN party
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
