She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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