He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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