capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize