I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
