I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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