your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize