yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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