omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
