How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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