Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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