Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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