If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
we're so committed to being not committed
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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