those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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