Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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