were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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