Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Couch. On fire.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
