using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
