fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Come see our sink grown plant.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
