I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
