I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
