i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize