My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
pray to the hookup gods
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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