my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
