I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize