For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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