i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she woke up with a sticky ear
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
