bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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