Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
