Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
