Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize