life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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