i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
