My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
