he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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