I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
