i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
