She is in my trunk
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize