he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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