i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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