there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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