her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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