go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
