so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
