after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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