The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
