i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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