Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
