After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
